I Believe In You

Beth Littleton

By Beth Littleton, Representative

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You hear it on the news. You read it in the papers. Anorexia. Depression. Anxiety. Bipolar. Suicide...the list goes on. I heard about it all growing up but never once did I think that could happen to me. I thought in fact that it could never. But all of those things above have in fact happened to me.

I remember growing up with no confidence, body image issues, low mood and then at the age of 15 my life changed when I developed anorexia. That’s when the mental health battle started. I hit rock bottom. I was passing out. My heart was having to be checked at hospital. I was almost sectioned. I was self harming. I was aggressive. I would lash out and scream the place down. I was contemplating suicide. I was lying. I was wearing my body down. I was almost dead.

The lack of mental health services around is shocking and this is just me talking from my personal experience when I say you’re just a number. My treatment team ended my treatment to “see how I would get on by myself” whilst I had relapsed. We got told that I got six sessions and that was it. Back to being re-refereed to go through a 7 month wait again to go through exactly the same things with a different person. At least 15 different people in fact. We got told that I wasn’t ill enough for help and inpatient treatment despite being the weight of a child and that if I wanted private help it would be £4000 a month. I was on the brink of suicide and got anti anxiety tablets thrown at me.

"Did I think I could come back from all of that? Hell no. But somehow, I have."

Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle and always will. The bipolar is an ongoing fight to get the right treatment from the medical services, eating issues are up and down and passive suicidal thoughts are still there. But I fight on for all of those who don’t give up on me. And one thing that has gotten me through is fitness. Weight training in particular for me give me a focus. An outlet for the negative energy I feel. An outlet for the frustration, the pain, the tears. It makes me feel strong on the days when I mentally feel weak and has bought some incredible people into my life who push me on and on. It quietens the mind when I need it to be quiet. It has helped save my life.

If you’re reading thing right now and don’t think you can get through, believe me when I say you can. I believe in you. You are not alone.

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